DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER,

I guess the shit has officially hit the fan. I don’t mean to sound gloomy, but it’s getting tighter than a nun on Easter Sunday around here. Justin is now looking for a job. His phone number is 707-738-6123 if anyone wants to hire him. I received about a dozen (12) orders from the last newsletter. That put us in the hole deeper than John Holmes, which has brought me to my last resort. Well, almost. I’m gonna do the thing that pisses wineries off the most. Well, almost. DUMP IT !!! The wines on this front page are all the wines from last month but with the prices slashed. Hopefully this will be enough incentive to get you to call and buy some. And hopefully the wineries will still talk to me. In addition to slashing prices I will ship three cases of wine for $60 during the month of April. Furthermore, shipping in California is FREE on 12 bottle orders for all of April. Needless to say, if there is a wine you want, and a random price you want to pay for it, let me know. The wine business will be changing, I’m just changing first. Other than sending it to you for free, this is the best I can offer. The one thing we hardly ever hear anymore is………………… “Does Groezinger’s really still have that phenomenal 3 case shipping deal?” Holy crap, do they ever!!!! WE SHIP ANYWHERE EXCEPT UTAH!! UPS IS AVAILABLE TO AK, CA, CO, CT, DC, FL, GA, HI, ID, IA, IL, LA, MI, MO, MN, NC, ND, NE, NH, NV, NY, NM, OH, OR, SC, TX, VA, WA, WV, WI & WY for about $25-$45 a case depending on how far away you are from us. Overnight, 2-Day, and 3-Day services are available to the above states at an additional cost. Call us soon and ship your juice while it’s cool. $60 for 1 case, $90 for two cases, and $60 for three cases going to the other states, OR for those of you that prefer receiving your wine via bootlegger (it’s cheaper on big orders). A $10 residential delivery fee is waived on purchases of 3 cases or more. We prefer shipping to businesses because we need an adult signature for delivery. Get yourself some deals. 800-356-3970.

These are all the wines from last month at SUPER DISCOUNTED prices. $50 ships 3 cases anywhere. WOW!

1.) 2006 CHAPPELLET, Pritchard Hill Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$105.00 regular price ($135)

2.) 2006 CONTINUUM, Oakville Estate, Proprietary Red Wine–$105.00 ($135)

3.) 2006 ETUDE, Cabernet Sauvignon, “Rutherford”, Napa Valley–$75.00 ($100)

4.) 2006 ETUDE, GBR, Estate Grown, Carneros–$48.00 ($48)

5.) 2004 RUBISSOW, Cabernet Sauvignon, Mount Veeder, Napa Valley–$54.00 ($60)

6.) 2006 SHAFER VINEYARDS, “ONE POINT FIVE”, Cabernet Sauvignon, SLD–$55.00 ($70)

7.) 2005 JOHN ANTHONY, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$50.00 ($60)

8.) 2006 PIERSON-MEYERS, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$65.00 ($80)

9.) 2005 COHO, Cabernet Sauvignon, Summit Vine Ranch, Diamond Mountain–$48.00 ($60)

10.) 2007 COHO, Pinot Noir, Russian River Valley, Sonoma County–$35.00 ($45)

11.) 2006 MOUNT EDEN VINEYARDS, Estate Pinot Noir, Santa Cruz Mountains–$40.00 ($48)

12.) 2006 MONIZ, Pinot Noir, Russian River Valley, Sonoma County–$17.00 ($21)

13.) 2005 CALERA, Pinot Noir, Reed Vineyard, Mt. Harlan, Thirtieth Anniversary-$42.00 ($52)

14.) 2005 COHO, Merlot, Michael Black Vineyard, Coombsville, Napa Valley–$51.00 ($60)

15.) 2006 PHILIP TOGNI, “Tanbark Hill”, Cabernet Sauvignon, Spring Mountain District, Napa-$44.00 ($52)

16.) 2006 ORIN SWIFT, “PAPILLON”, Napa Valley Red Wine–$45.00 ($55)

17.) 2005 MT. EDEN VINEYARDS, Cabernet Sauvignon, Santa Cruz Mountains-$44.00 ($52)

18.) 2007 CASTALIA, Pinot Noir, Rochioli Vineyard, Russian River Valley, Sonoma County-$42.00 ($50)

19.) 2006 BEAR & LION, Old Vine Zinfandel, Napa Valley–$20.00 (Howell Mountain Vineyards) ($24)

20.) 2006 BECKMEN VINEYARDS, Cuvee Le Bec, Santa Ynez Valley–$16.00 ($21)

21.) 2006 BECKMEN VINEYARDS, Syrah, Santa Ynez Valley–$18.00 ($26)

These are probably the best prices on these wines anywhere, so go over to the phone and dial 1-800-356-3970.

FEATURED WINES

Don’t miss our sweet stimulus shipping deal. FREE shipping in California on 12+ bottle orders and $60.00 for three cases going anywhere else. Tax-free out of state and rickdickulous pricing make these the best deals in the biz.

2005 CORNERSTONE, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$59.00

When I tasted the premier release of 1991 Cornerstone, I was blown away. Fifteen years and a lot of brain cells ago and I can somehow still remember it. These new wines remind me of that same, old school greatness. This awesome “Napa Valley” Cabernet Sauvignon is dosed with a good portion of estate grown Howell Mountain fruit, giving it bionic powers compared to other “Napa Valley” Cabs. Thirty year veteran-of-the-vine Celia Welch is responsible for the small miracle of cramming Howell Mountain into these bottles along with making some of Napa’s best and most sought after wines. You’ll be making memories when you experience the polished and refined yet wildly untamed flavors of Cornerstone. Wild blackberry, loamy black cherry, chewy cassis and earthiness are amplified with rock solid structure and a dose of toasty oak. It’s a wine that makes drunks leap from the wagon, it makes men charming, it makes women naughty, it makes adults out of children, spreads happiness, joy, peace, and can extend your life. That’s good, because you’ll have a good ten tears to drink it once it’s in your cellar, but don’t wait another day to procure it because this great 2005 “Napa Valley” Cabernet is sure to vanish like memories of all those great wines I can’t remember. If you’re a real hard hitter, then you might want some of the straight goods from Howell Mountain……….

2004 CORNERSTONE, Cabernet Sauvignon, Howell Mountain, Napa Valley–$90.00

The second this wine hits the glass, you’ll be wowed by the color alone. The flavors are massive with velvety, integrated tannins that suggest cellaring for a few years. It’s a huge wine, made especially for mountain fruit fanatics.

2005 RAMEY, Claret, Napa Valley–$26.00

Time for a change? This wonderful Napa Valley Claret used to be $38.00 in the “good ole days”. Since “the change” is on, and we’re all movin’ on up, it’s time to celebrate with some juice you thought you’d never be able to afford. Thanks to pretend bailout money that I received in my imagination I am now able to offer you pricing never before dreamed possible. Can’t pay now? Want some wine on the front? No problem, I got your back. When every other institution of liquid is tightening up, Groezinger’s is here to help. At 1/3 the normal price, you’d be stupid to by the discounted sludge in your town when you could by my discounted, really delicious, un-sludge-like wines. This claret is a blend of 54%Cab, 25%Merlot, 12%Cab Franc, 1%PV, 1%Malbec, and 7%Syrah. It’s intended to drink now and for the next seven years which is the approximate length of a good to great depression. The fruit comes from renowned vineyards like Jericho Canyon, Snowden, Larkmead and Hyde making this one of the best deals you could find on high-pedigree wine. Parker and Tanzer like it and said it has flavors of cassis, blackberry, dried rose petal, white pepper, cherries, underbrush, black currants, and cedar. Freaking awesome wine at rock bottom pricing.

2005 RAMEY, Chardonnay, Sonoma Coast–$26.00

Maybe you hate claret and can’t stand chardonnay that costs more than twenty six bucks. With summer coming, wouldn’t it be nice to have a lot of killer chard to ice down and chug with sloppy joes and bacon wrapped hot dogs? Wouldn’t it be nice if it tasted like fifty bucks and cost only twenty six? The answers are “yes” and “yes”. The grapes come from the Sonoma Stage Vineyard, a cool and windy site west of Petaluma, obviously near the Sonoma Coast. Thanks to Dave Ramey’s winemaking expertise, the resulting wine is exquisite. I don’t know where you could possibly find a better chard for this price. Maybe in heaven. Flavors of lemon custard, orange blossom, apple tart, and pineapple will amaze you in a medium-to-full-bodied way and will impress the snottiest of Chardonnay snobs. Mineral and light oak nuances wrap up this beautiful Chard with a kiss of class that whispers, “This used to be forty bucks”. Like a $5 hit of pure MDMA from a vending machine in 1984 in San Marcos, Texas, this wine is so sinfully good and priced so sweetly, it could turn nuns into sluts. Just think what it can do for your Sunday afternoons.

2008 ENKIDU, Sauvignon Blanc, Kick Ranch, Sonoma County–$21.00

The Kick Ranch is a super cool (temperature) vineyard in Santa Rosa, along the west side of the Mayacamas Range. It is NOT where Justin has been for the last thirty days, although there is a very good rehab center close to the vineyard. Low yielding vines hang on for dear life on a steep, rocky slope atop the Rincon Valley. Reducing the vigor of Sauvignon Blanc vines is a huge part of making great wine. The grapes were whole cluster pressed and the juice was barrel fermented in 10% new oak with a partial malo-lactic fermentation to preserve the naturally high acidity. It’s one of the best S.B.’s I’ve tasted from California and is the perfect spring and summer wine. The nose is bright and vibrant with aromas of stone, peach, and nectarine that lead into a euphoric palate of green apple, lees, mineral, almond powder, and a hint of oak. It’s spectacularly delicious wine, guaranteed to keep you from kicking your habit.

Did I mention the free shipping in California on case orders? Or the $60 three case shipping deal anywhere in the continental U.S.? Can you find a better shipping price than “free” or “20 bucks a case”? Didn’t think so.

2006 PALOMA, Merlot, Spring Mountain District, Napa Valley–$48.00

What’s the best merlot in California? Probably this one. What do other wineries like Pahlmeyer, Duckhorn, or Amuse Bouche charge for their BIG merlots? Those are ninety bucks and up. Who the hell can afford that except for the lucky few who got bailed out? You don’t have to be two months late on your mortgage to benefit from this stimulus package. Estate grown on the very top of Spring Mountain, this merlot possesses magical powers that are rarely wielded by this usually humble varietal. Five years ago this was Spectator’s #1 wine in the world. I think this wine is better than the 2001, showing stronger structure, deeper extraction, better balance, and brighter fruit. This stellar vintage from Paloma is ageable for up to fifteen years. Aromas of blackberry, chocolate, and tobacco leaf foreshadow the upcoming flavor assault. The flavors are persistent and strong, leading with black fruits, spice, mineral, cocoa and a kiss of very expensive French oak. The mouthfeel is huge and almost doesn’t fit in your face. It pairs great with grilled steaks, mushrooms, lamb, braised shortribs, or almost anything meaty, fatty, and charred.

2007 STORYBOOK MOUNTAIN, Zinfandel, Napa Estate, Mayacamas Range–$28.00

Formerly weighing in at $35, I starved this champ and then beat the crap out of it till it was seven bucks cheaper. Jerry Seps is the current “godfather” of Napa Zinfandel, with over 30 vintages under his belt. This legendary vineyard was originally planted in the 1880’s and then replanted in 1976 by the Sep’s. They have some of the oldest caves in Napa (circa 1889), their estate is beautiful, and you should visit their winery if you haven’t. They also make the best Zinfandel in California. It ages better than Napa Cabernets and goes with a w i d e variety of cuisine from breakfast to bedtime. Blackberry pancakes and bacon in the morning, grilled sausages and kraut for lunch, barbequed ribs and garlic spuds for dinner, with dark chocolate all night long. It could be the only wine you’ll ever need. Storybook Mountain has been served in the Whitehouse multiple times and what could be more patriotic than drinking American wine from a varietal that is not completely native but could be if you made up a good story and lied. Now, that’s the American way. It tastes like wild, wild blackberries, blueberry concentrate, and spiced plum followed by a nice touch of whoop-ass (blood, copper, and fear) with tingling acidity and firm, fuzzy tannins. Do you like Zin AND Cab??? 2006 STORYBOOK MOUNTAIN, “ANTAEUS”, Estate Red, Napa–$35.00 (57%Zin,30%Cab,7%PV,6%ML)

2006 PALAZZO, Napa Valley, Red Wine–$43.00

Priced fifteen bucks below the manufactures suggested retail price, this is another ridiculous deal. When you buy four bottles of this juice, it’s like you get one free. Combine that with the shipping deal and you’re bailed out. Peter Franus is the consulting winemaker behind this great project with Scott Palazzo at the helm. Due to superb blending and eminent drinkability, the Palazzo has landed on almost every wine list of super-primo restaurants here, in New York and Las Vegas. Robert Parker gave this wine a big 94 points and said it should age for 10-15 years. That’s because this stuff rocks out hard today and won’t shoot its load for a good ten years. The blend is composed of Merlot, Cabernet Franc, and Cabernet Sauvignon in that order and the fruit comes from the nearly legendary Truchard Vineyard in Carneros. The nose is vibrant and explosive. On the palate flavors of black currant, chocolate, toasty oak, and espresso dust deliver satisfaction like Heidi Fleiss. This wine also has a very special finish and a happy ending.

2004 WHITEROCK, Claret, Estate Grown, Napa Valley–$32.00

The price of Whiterock is comin’ on down like the girl with big tits on the Price Is Right. Bounce a few of these jugs into your cellar and you’re gonna be a winner on MY PRICE IS RIGHT!! You’re not going to be spinning the wheel if you paid forty bucks for this. Or thirty five. Until the winery finds out, $32 bucks is my new improved price. This vineyard is situated just outside the Stag’s Leap District at the base of Atlas Peak. That’s like being stuck between great and even better. This estate wine is from hillside fruit grown in very rocky soil, thus the name. After the juice is bottled, it is cellared for two years in their caves prior to release insuring immediate gratification once you get your paws on it. The blend is 60% Cabernet Sauvignon, 20% Merlot, 15% Cabernet Franc, and 5% Petite Verdot. Masterfully blended, the wine is seamless and full on the palate gushing with velvety, hillside-esque flavors that keep giving and giving, like if Mother Theresa chugged two bottles of Ramey Chard. The Whiterock Claret develops and ages fabulously, which is really cool for a wine that costs less than a clock radio or four jars of Gold Bond powder.

2006 DOMAINE SERENE, Pinot Noir, Evenstad Reserve, Willamette Valley–$50.00

This is the pride of the Willamette Valley. The Evanstad Reserve has become the mark to beat for Oregon Pinot. It is very ageable and will gain complexity for many years to come. Get yourself a sweet deal with this sweet price.