MAY-JUNE 2009

DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER,

Recent reports show that people aren’t having as much fun as they used to. One study showed women no longer flash the cameras on amusement park splash rides. And when’s the last time you saw a guy wearing a trench coat and a paper bag on his head? Yard darts have vanished and people look at you like you’re the devil if you have fireworks in this extra flamey state. Even monster truck rallies have reported smaller audiences. Coppertone has been replaced by sunblock which is nowhere near as much fun as rubbing the slimy, cancer causing oil into the skin of bronze sluts. On the other hand, having a fifty year old wife whose face and tits don’t look like beef jerky is also fun. And summertime water balloons have been traded in for silicone fun bags, which are usually very fun. So there is still hope. That’s what we’re here to deliver. Hope. Not like a fluffy campaign or a Pepsi billboard, this hope is real and delivers NOW. So, I hope you buy some wine. A few wineries have realized that lowering prices might help sales. REALLY?! What we’re doing is discounting the discounts from the wineries making our prices lower than anyone. With free shipping on case orders(12+btls) in California, Oregon, and Washington, and our UNBEATABLE 3 CASES FOR $60 going anywhere shipping special, we challenge you to find a better deal. Until the economic climate changes we will intentionally continue to lose money on freight to provide the absolute best prices to you and your friends. And……..WE SHIP ANYWHERE EXCEPT UTAH!! UPS IS AVAILABLE TO AK, CA, CO, CT, DC, FL, GA, HI, ID, IA, IL, LA, MI, MO, MN, NC, ND, NE, NH, NV, NY, NM, OH, OR, SC, TX, VA, WA, WV, WI & WY for about $20-$45 a case depending on how far away you are from us. We bootleg it to ALL STATES one way or another. Overnight, 2-Day, and 3-Day services are available to the above states at an additional cost. Call us soon and ship your juice while it’s cool.  $60 for 1 case, $90 for two cases, and $60 for three cases going anywhere. A $10 residential delivery fee is waived on purchases of 3 cases or more. We prefer shipping to businesses because we need an adult signature for delivery and you used to have a job and be at work.  Get yourself some deals. 800-356-3970.

BUY AMERICAN. Foreign countries don’t sell American wine, KEEP THE DOUGH AT HOME!!!!!

1.) 2005 RAMEY, Claret, Napa Valley–$26.00 That’s right. Twenty six bucks. Give me a break. Ridiculous.

2.) 2006 RAMEY, Chardonnay, Sonoma Coast–$26.00 A full case is only $312 delivered in CA, OR & WA.

3.) 2006 RAMEY, Syrah, Rodgers Creek, Sonoma Coast–$38.00 Eighteen bucks below the regular price.

4.) 2006 PALOMA, Merlot, Estate Grown, Spring Mountain, Napa Valley–$48.00 The pride of Spring Mtn.

5.) 2004 WHITE ROCK, Estate Claret, Napa Valley–$32.00 This is an incredible blend with a lifespan of 15+ years and flavors that wines three times the price wish they had. If you’re into GREAT wine and don’t need a big name or a big price tag to impress yourself or your friends then this is a wine that YOU NEED.  Normally $40.00

6.) 2005 SAWYER CELLARS, Estate, Bradford Meritage, Rutherford, Napa Valley–$28.50 WHAT?$?$? This baby used to be $44. Expressive of Rutherford in every way except for the price. Take that Oakville!#%@  And…

7.) 2005 SAWYER CELLARS, Estate, Cabernet Sauvignon, Rutherford, Napa Valley–$31.00 Formerly $48.00

8.) 2005 PARADIGM, Estate Bottled, Cabernet Sauvignon, Oakville, Napa Valley–$52.00 Ten dollar discount!

9.) 2005 PARADIGM, Estate Bottled, Merlot, Oakville, Napa Valley–$37.50 Seven bucks off. 800-356-3970

10.) 2006 FORMAN, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$75.00 First 500 callers get 15% off.

11.) 2006 ORIN SWIFT, Mercury Head, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley-$75.00 First 500 callers get 15% off.

12.) 2006 ROBINSON FAMILY, Estate Cabernet Sauvignon, Stags Leap District, Napa Valley–$42.00 What?$

13.) 2006 ROBINSON FAMILY, Estate Merlot, Stags Leap District, Napa Valley–$35.00 Sweet new pricing.

14.) 2006 PARALLEL, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$50.00 Philippe Melka’s wine for fifty bucks?? It’s true. And your kids could be the first ones in your neighborhood with the premiere Chardonnay from Parallel…..

15.) 2007 PARALLEL, Chardonnay, Napa Valley–$30.50 A great summertime geometry lesson for the kids.

16.) 2006 FORT ROSS, Pinot Noir, Sea Slopes, Sonoma Coast–$19.50 This makes a perfect lesson in economics.

17.) 2006 AARON, Petite Sirah, Paso Robles–$26.00 And a good geography question. Where t/f  is Paso Robles?

Don’t be a dunce by skipping out on these super-smart deals our former administration provided for you.

FEATURED WINES

Stimulus package? Stimulate this package!  FREE shipping in CA, OR, & WA on 12+  bottle orders and $60.00 for three cases going anywhere else. Tax-free out of state and insane pricing make these the best deals in the biz.

1996 TAY, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$40.00

Very rarely, does a deal like this come along. The release price of this wine was sixty bucks back in 2000. It was made by Bruce Scotland during his years at Cornerstone and due to some kind of inventory error it was buried and overlooked for about ten years while it sat patiently, slowly aging, waiting for someone to find it. Well, as the story goes, someone found it and brought me a bottle. When I tasted the wine, I went to the phone immediately after I changed my freshly soiled pants and bought the whole pile. Where else can you get a perfectly cellared, twelve year old Napa Cabernet that drinks like eighty bucks for the price of a dozen oysters at Bouchon? Nowhere except here. You might remember a wine called “Martin’s Hillside” from 1993. If you liked that kind of a deal, then you’ll love this one. This wine will transport you back to a time when things were easier and money fell from the sky. Like back when SUV’s and the Dave Mathew’s Band were cool, back when you could get laid by saying “my-dot-com-start-up”, and back when a blackberry was just a piece of fruit. Enjoy this perfectly cellared and aged wine for the same price as mediocre grocery store swill. Plus, you don’t have to wait ten years or pay for all that air conditioning. The aromas are mellow, mature and seductive, followed by flavors of poached cherry, olive, rose petal and earthy red fruits. After the wine airs for a few moments the darker flavors emerge and join the party. The palate is smooth, mouth coating, and soothing to the taste buds. This delicious ‘96 delivers instant gratification like a wet dream. Pull the cork and next thing you know, it’s a gooey mess. So don’t forget to have that old rag handy to wipe up the messy load of crusty purple stuff that’s on the end of corks in mature wines.  A wine like this is sure to sell out quickly, and when it’s gone, there’s no going back to the good ole days. Call now for yours. 800-356-3970

2005 KATHRYN KENNEDY, Lateral, Red Wine–$22.00          price reduced from $36

Over the years this wine has earned a reputation of being the best damn deal on a Bordeaux styled blend from California. This year, for some reason, they lowered their price. It used to be thirty six bucks and now it’s twenty six. At Groezinger’s, it’s $22.00. That’s almost half price for this exquisite blend of 50%Merlot, 22%Cab Franc, 22%Cab Sauvignon, and 6%Petit Verdot. Aged for 22 months in 40% new oak, this wine has polish and class usually found in wines thee times the price. Lateral compliments many foods and also drinks well out of big insulated cups if you’re not into Sauvignon Blanc or Chard for the summer months. The blend is from a variety of cool climate vineyards selected specifically for the flavors they contribute to the Lateral blend. This also gives the wine a classy complexity never found in wines this cheap. Medium to full bodied on the palate, Lateral gushes flavors of black cherry, mushroom, tobacco, mint, and huckleberry. It finishes long and strong with great balance and finesse.

2006 CHAPPELLET, Signature Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$37.00       price slashed from $55

Here’s another wine you’d be downright stupid to pass on for this price. This incredible hillside Cabernet comes from the slopes of Pritchard hill, home to wineries like Bryant, David Arthur, Cloudview and many more. Can you think of another Pritchard Hill Cab for under forty bucks? Don’t waste your time. Formerly $55, this is a super sweet deal. The Signature Cab from Chappellet has a long track record of being one of the most ageable Cabs from Napa, even more so than their $135 “reserve” Cabernet that nobody wanted last month for $105. I wouldn’t buy that overpriced bullshit either when you can get wine from the same vineyard, made by the same people for a hundred bucks less. That’s the upside of economic collapse, you can get really good stuff cheap. This wine is firing on all cylinders with vibrant cherry and plum, super-fine well integrated tannins, sweet oak and earthy minerality, a core of dark black fruits, fresh herbs, coffee, and cocoa. Extremely ageable and ridiculously delicious, this underpriced wine over performs in every category. In addition to all this, James Laube gave this wine 94 points. That’s only 39 cents a point. Incredible.

2007 FORTUNATI, Pinot Noir, Sonoma Coast–$22.50

This wine is so good and such a good deal, we say it puts the f–u–n back in fucking unbelievable. F’n great Sonoma Coast fruit. F’n great price. F’n great quality. If you like Pinot Noir and money, then this is the f’n wine for you. That’s because when you buy it you’ll still have some money AND really good Pinot. Now that’s fun. Its round, ripe flavors of cherry, strawberry, cola, clove, and spice will satisfy you like Pinots costing twice the price.  Only 275 cases were produced so don’t wait too f’n long to call and get some of this deliciously inexpensive Pinot Noir.

If you want these wines but don’t want to ship during the summer months, I will store it for you at no charge until it cools off. If you buy a case now, one in July, and one in August, you’ll get the sweet three case shipping price of $60.

2007 STRAIGHT LINE, Syrah, Santa Barbara County–$22.50

Want some killer Syrah for a sweet price? My good buddy John Grant has been honing his winemaking skills at Turley Wine Cellars for the past ten years, escaping the arduous winery duties at any chance to go skiing, hence the name. Whether the straight line refers to how he skis down the mountain or to how he runs from the winery when it snows is yet to be determined. What we do know is that this Syrah is a killer, over-delivering for its modest price point. John said with the cost of fruit, barrels, winemaking and bottling, he ends up making about a buck a bottle when the wholesaler sells it to me. That means he used expensive fruit and barrels and isn’t charging what people who want to make money in this business usually charge for wine. If nothing else, it creates good karma and gives you the chance to enjoy an excellent California Syrah for the price of a shitty bottle of imported Shirass (yuk) or an overrated bottle of French Syralph (poop). Don’t forget to boycott those swilly imports when your country is in the shits and needs you to buy American. They don’t sell California wine in Australia, New Zealand, France or other countries so fuck ‘em. This homeland juice gushes flavors of plum, cherry, grilled meat, spice, lavender and sweet, expensive oak. This is a super-premium micro-sized production made with lots of love, sweat, beer, snow, herbs and vegetables.

2005 VALANCE, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$67.00

Valance Cabernet comes from a tiny 3 acre vineyard on lower Howell Mountain bordered by the famous Herb Lamb Vineyard. Thirty year old vines are tended to by Michael Raymor whose winemaking and vine growing experience also spans over thirty years. Only 75 to 90 cases are produced each year making this nearly impossible to find anywhere except here. Valance is aged for 22 months in the barrel and for at least two years in bottle before being released. This wine is built to last to say the least. Some children and a few pussed-out adults might find this wine too full bodied, dark, and intense for their delicate palates. When I spend good money for young Cabernet I want it to kick my ass and remind me not to touch it for five years. Most 2005 Cabs will be on there way out when this one just gets going. In the complex flavor profile you’ll find flavors of red currant, blackberry, cinnamon, cassis, spice, cedar, earth, and vanilla, all tied together seamlessly by French oak, tannin, and rock solid structure. If you think you’ll still like wonderfully aged, ten year old Cabernet in six more years then you should buy some of this now and wait six years. When this economic Ebola has been contained you will be ready to party……….with 10 year old Valance!! Just think….If you’re 40 years old and your wife just left you because you lost your job and you’re spending money on awesome Cabernet, then you’ll really need that awesome, mature Cabernet in a few years when it comes time to attract a hotter, more sophisticated & better lover that appreciates and understands your edified desires and needs.

2006 SOTER, Pinot Noir, Mineral Springs, Willamette Valley, Oregon–$60.00

Sometimes price doesn’t matter, like blueberries at Whole Foods. So what if they’re ten bucks, there going in the pancakes no matter what. Just like this wine should be in your cellar, no matter what. Tony Soter, founder of Etude, has reset the bar for Oregon Pinot Noir by snatching the trophy from the hands of Domaine Serene. This wine oozes with the thickest and most seductive flavors found in Pinot Noir this side of the Pacific and, it’ll age for a long time, maybe fifteen years, if you can wait. The most classic and decadent flavors of rich, round cherry, flinty minerality, strawberry, tobacco, clove, cherry cola, vanilla and pomegranate offer themselves up for you like a sacrificial virgin without the mess and inconvenience of stone temples, blood, guts, tears, flying organs, and crying mothers. Just get it.

FEATURED WHITE WINES FOR SUMMERTIME

2007 RUDD, Sauvignon Blanc, Napa Valley–$21.50 Holy crap! Rudd just figured out that the world doesn’t want a $48 S.B. from Napa. So, the greedy bastards cut their greedy price in half as if to say, “Oops, sorry. Please like us.” At $21.50, it’s easy to love one of the best whites from Napa. Ultra classy, super-duper-premium Sauvignon Blanc.

2007 PORTER BASS, Estate Chardonnay, R.R.V., Sonoma–$27.00 Formerly $42. At $27, it’s a freakin’ steal.

2006 BOHEME, Chardonnay, Taylor Ridge Vineyard, Sonoma Coast–$31.00 Ethereal, bright, & enlightening.

2006 MCKENZIE MUELLER, Chardonnay, Carneros–$25.00 This is Chardonnay with structure and integrity. Most wineries whore out their Chards by dressing them up in oak and dosing them with acid before selling them on the streets. This puritan is bright and clean, untainted by excessive oak, and promises to behave for four more years.

2006 NAPA VALLEY FARMS, Viognier, Napa Valley–$15.00 I drink it just for the super trippy label.

Don’t miss out on the sweet shipping specials, ridiculously low recession pricing, and free summer storage.