1-800-356-3970

DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER,
Recent reports from Alaska and Russia show that children are misbehaving and exhibiting disobedient behavior now more than ever before. Harpoons in school, icicle stabbings, and seal rapes are now commonplace according to the northern media. Our very own Justin Rush, never trusting or believing mainstream media, took on this dangerous undercover investigation in conjunction with NBC’s Brian Williams and discovered some disturbing news about the legendary Mr. Santa Claus. Alaskan, Russian, and now Canadian phone taps have confirmed that reports have been coming directly from the North Pole about children being out-of-control-naughty and how most are undeserving of any holiday gift. After hearing this Justin traveled north with his elf suit, elf shoes, and prosthetic elf ears, daringly going undercover with the help of his third cousin, elf toy engineer, Kalu Kalu. Once inside the famous estate Justin found Santa to be disgruntled, unhappy, and abusive to the elves and Mrs. Claus. She was very thin, fidgety, and kept sniffling. Seeing an open door, or an open nostril in this case, Justin elfingly befriended Mrs. Clause with pure Peruvian cocaine and she spilled her guts about how the economy has made it impossible to produce enough toys and has caused massive elf-firings, which has brought drugs, crime, and the first elfin-porn studio to the Pole. She said the marriage took a big hit after Santa’s affair with Kirstie Alley and his short lived stint with ZZ Top. She says they attend marital counseling but both of them have a hard time taking the elf psychologist seriously. She said Santa made false accusations about the children to avoid ridicule for the massive shortage and poor quality of this year’s toys. Santa’s drinking has reached an all time high and it’s suspected he will check back into the Dry Ice Rehab Center after the holiday season. Mrs. Claus said she’s tired of hearing jokes from the elves about her leading the sleigh team this with her red nose and may join Santa in rehab. After doing 2 eight balls with Justin, Mrs. Claus broke down and expressed her true concern for everyone’s holiday happiness. Sniffling and in tears she asked, “Does Groezinger’s still have that phenomenal 3 case shipping deal?” You bet your bindle we do. $75 ships three cases anywhere in the continental United States!! That’s a mere $25 a box when you ship three of ‘em. $15 per case ships wine to our good neighbors in California, Oregon, and Washington. WE SHIP ANYWHERE-except Utah.  $30-$45 ships one case via UPS to most states and if you live in one of the few states still suffering from Prohibition era restrictions, we’ll bootleg it to you for $60 on one case, $90 for two, and only $75 for three!!! These prices make it CHEAP and EASY to get great wine where ever you may be.

Since Santa has crap toys this year, you better HO-HO-HO over to the PHO-HO-HONE and call 800-356-3970

1)  2005 CHARBAY, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley–$25.00 This is last call on this ridiculously great deal on a killer Stags Leap Cabernet that used to be $75. $975 lands you three cases that would have been $2700 in a pre-recession world. When you want serious Cabernet but seriously don’t want to pay for it, call us and hook yourself up.
2)  2006 DUNN, Napa Valley, Cabernet Sauvignon–$63.00 A Napa classic with a good dose of Howell Mtn. fruit.
3)  1992, 1993, 1994, & 1995 DUNN, Petit Sirah, Park Muscatine Vineyard, Howell Mtn., Napa Valley-$100 btl.
Living legends. These wines kick the crap out of most of our Cabs and still have another 10-15 years of life. Another last call on these almost mature, old vine, mountain grown Petit Sirahs. $360 for any four bottles. Extremely rare.
4)  2006 PHILIP TOGNI, TANBARK HILL, Estate Cabernet Sauvignon, Spring Mtn., Napa Valley-$37.00
By far the best Spring Mtn. Cab for the money. Down from $54. Drink it now or age it for 10 years. Don’t miss it.
5)  2008 OWEN ROE, “Abbot’s Table”, Red Table Wine, Washington-$22.00 This awesome kitchen-sink blend
of eight red varietals tastes like $45 and makes most $25 dollar reds taste like garbage. Pairs well with everything!!
6)  2007 SNOWDEN, Estate Cabernet Sauvignon, “The Ranch”, Napa Valley–$40.00 92-94 points from Parker
7)  2005 ILSLEY, Estate Cabernet Sauvignon, Stags Leap District, Napa Valley–$50.00 Since nobody wanted the Shafer Hillside Cab for $225 we are offering a $50 version from the vineyard on the other side of that hill.
8)  2005 WATERMARK, Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley-$40.00 Diamond Creek’s winemaker’s dirty secret.
9)  2007 COHO, “Headwaters Red”, Napa Valley Red Wine-$38.00 61%Cab, 34%Merlot, 5%Petit Verdot…This is the follow up to the stellar ’06 that got 95 points from Spectator and was compared to $300 cult wines. Coho-ho-ho!
10)  2007 COHO, Pinot Noir, Stanley Ranch, Carneros–$41.00 As good as it gets from Carneros and not 90 bucks.
11)  2006 LEMELSON, Pinot Noir, Thea’s Selection, Willamette Valley-$26.00 Formerly a great deal at $45, new pricing makes this a no-brainer. Practically a giveaway at $26, even people without brains can figure this one out.
12)  N.V. BRICELAND, Brut, Methode Champanoise, Humboldt County-$28.00 With southbound 101 being a grass gauntlet every autumn, this unattainable wine was truly smuggled down the great green pipeline, just for you.

FEATURED RED WINES

We want to sell everything before the end of the year, so call us for some smokin’ hot inventory reduction deals!!

2007 DIAMOND CREEK, Cabernet Sauvignon, Red Rock Terrace, Gravelly Meadow, Volcanic Hill Vineyards
Diamond Mountain, Napa-$165.00 each, or $465 per three-pack (one each of the above listed single vineyards)
Here’s the latest and greatest release from one of the Napa Valley’s most prolific and historic Cabernet producers. As you probably already know, Diamond Creek’s founder, the late Al Bronstein, was among the first to bring smuggled suit case clones from a First Growth Bordeaux vineyard in Paulliac and give them a loving home on the hillsides of Napa. Always big, dark, extracted, elegant, yet old fashioned in structure, the wines show massive cassis and black cherry jam, with nuances ranging from crushed stone, smoldering cedar, mountain under-brush, and dried lavender, with incredible purity and length on the finish. The 2007’s are the best this house has produced in years, and winemaker Phil Steinschriber is adept at accentuating the unique characteristics of these three vineyard blocks, creating wines of a consistent style while preserving the distinct terroir of each site. As always, these wines will age well for twenty plus years. Want to give the ultimate gift this year? Go for the DIAMOND CREEK MAGNUM 3-PACK-$1250.00

2007 SNOWDEN, Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley-$72.00 (86% Cab Sauvignon/14% Cab Franc) The 2007 vintage is shaping up to be one of the best overall vintages for Napa Cab in over a decade. Here’s a case in point. Diana Snowden and David Ramey are the team behind this stunning Cabernet, without a doubt the best wine the Snowdens have ever produced. The points and praises critics have lauded this wine with are not gratuitous, so you can take kicking Parker and Tanzer’s asses off your holiday to-do list. Layer after layer of deep black currant, smoked plum, and ripe cherry come at you like a pissed off polar bear, while nuances of bittersweet chocolate, coffee bean, pencil shaving, and baking spice back him up like a pack of arctic foxes enjoying the spectacle of you getting torn a new one. Coincidentally, this is Santa Claus’ favorite wine of the vintage (97+ pts SC) because it tastes so good and it also happens to have the same name as the North Pole’s first Elf strip club, the Snow-Den. Built like a California Bordeaux, this beauty drinks great now but promises to age well for at least 15-20 more years. Only 700 cases made.

2005 SAGE, “Veedercrest”, (40% Cab Sauv/30% Merlot/30% Franc), Mt. Veeder, Napa Valley-$30.00 Here’s the best bang for your buck since the Charbay Cab!! No shit, people. Robbie Meyer, of Peter Michael, L’Angevin, and Peirson-Meyer fame (among many others), has crafted the one of the best red blends we’ve tasted all year, and you need to buy a case or two. We poured a glass, a glass mind you, and let it sit for two days and this sucker didn’t budge. No oxidization, no funk, no bullshit. That’s a well made wine, friends. It is our understanding that Sage Vineyards was sold to Darioush winery a little while back, so a good portion of this fruit will soon be available in a much heftier bottle with a much heftier price tag. Until that happens, we’ll simply have to question both your intelligence and your palate if you don’t stock up on this stuff now. Loads of forward Cabernet flavors are made supple by the addition of Merlot and spiced up by Cab Franc, making this a blackberry and raspberry-jam infused fruit bomb with Mt. Veeder structure, a whiff of campfire, unlit cigar, Asian spices, crushed rose petal, and dried cherry. It’s so good, we could drink it all day. In fact, we have, and so should you. But you’ll have to call us first. 1 800 356-3970.

2007 FORT ROSS, Pinot Noir, Estate, Sonoma Coast-$33.00 This one is a mindblower. If you’ve been on our mailing list for a while, you already know that we love wines from this estate, but here we can tell you without that creepy “oh shit we’re telling a lie” feeling that this is without a doubt the best wine that we’ve ever tasted from Fort Ross. Yeah, you could spend an extra thirty bucks on a bottle of Flowers that doesn’t taste as good or spend hours going over the most recent issue of BurgHound trying to find a Chambolle-Musigny that costs less than $120 or you could just call us and pick up some of this juice. This stuff tastes like the best black and boysenberry essence you’ve ever experienced, with burnt orange peel, sliced porcini mushroom, star anise, and crème de menthe thrown in for extra sex appeal. Perfect for stuffin’ in stockings. Speaking of little stockings, the new elf porn studio, “The Pole”, received loads of recognition and success with “Melfs”, “Melfs II”, & “Melf Hunter”.

2006 STORYBOOK MOUNTAIN VINEYARDS, Reserve Zinfandel, Estate, Napa Valley-$50.00 Zinfandel’s Daddy in the Napa Valley, former Chief of Toy Production turned Master Winemaker Jerry “Doc” Seps used elfin’ majik to create this unbelievable wine. Always one of our top picks in any vintage, the 2006 mercilessly beats the hell out of every other Zin from the valley in this vintage. This varietal’s popularity has waned a bit in recent years, but this one will make you want to get up and scream until someone calls the cops on you. Loads of crushed raspberry and currant, black cherry, spring flowers, and a hint of the estates iron laden crushed red rock contribute to a wine that shows the very essence of Zinfandel. Powerful yet elegant, this wine will outlive many Cabs from the valley but also drinks great now. It’ll pair well with turkey, ham, goose, lamb, game, or any other holiday feast.

MORE GOOD REASONS TO DRINK WINE
Don’t miss the end of year end of bin blow out!! Just give us a budget! Help us out and we’ll hook you up!! Thanks, R&J

2006 O’SHAUGHNESSEY, Cabernet Sauvignon, Howell Mountain, Napa Valley-$75.00 This is the kind of wine that’ll make you feel like a king when you own a case. On the other hand, if you can’t even afford a half case, it’ll make you feel like a broke-alcoholic-looser-I-feel-like-I-lost-all-my-dough-in-Vegas-no-lap-dance-dribblehead-douchebag. I know the feeling. That’s what credit cards are for…..to put off looserdom until a later date. Like thirty days later according to Doris at American Express. So if you’ve got that down-and-out-I-can’t-buy-more-wine-feeling, get your credit card and say, “Fuck it, I need some O’Shaughnessy no matter what.” Don’t let economics get in the way of your true passions. And if you want to look at it from a religious perspective, money is the root of all evil and Jesus turned water into wine*. As spiritual consultants we advise that you purge yourself of that evil money and get some of this old time religion into your sinful soul. Over the last few years, O’Shaughnessy has gained the reputation as king of the hill, or mountain in this case. Luscious and concentrated, focused and balanced, this wine over delivers in every way possible. Flavors of dark, ripe, black cherry, volcanic loam, blackberry, sweet French oak, and high grade black tobacco are supported by a complex and perfectly integrated structure of fruit covered acidity, super-fine-grit tannins, and unnoticeable alcohol. Like if Moses came down from the mountain with a stack of late ’70’s Penthouse and a Nebuchadnezzar of B.C. wine made by the Big Guy Himself, this wine can do no wrong and is ready to party now and for years to come. If you’re not a follower or believer of O’Shaughnessy, their 2006 will convert you.

1998 CORNERSTONE, Cabernet Sauvignon, HOWELL MOUNTAIN, Napa Valley–$17.00 If you tried the 1998 Cornerstone NAPA Cabernet last month and thought it was a bit knackered, you might want to give this one a whack at your cow. And….if you thoroughly enjoyed the Cornerstone NAPA Cab then you are GONNA FREAKIN’ LOVE the 98 HOWELL MOUNTAIN Cab. If you like old Cab and weren’t cellaring wine when you were in college or on Dead tour, this is your opportunity to enjoy aged mountain Cab without paying $60 nine years ago.

2007 KNIGHTS BRIDGE, Cabernet Sauvignon, To Kalon, Oakville, Napa Valley-$110.00    150 cases produced When I think about this winery the first thing that comes to mind is, “NONE SHALL PASS!” and “THEN YOU SHALL DIE!” Black, green, or horseless, you should really get some of this in your grail before the swine plague hits. Seriously though, this high dollar winery is bound to wind up with big points from Parker and the rest of ‘em real soon.

This is our favorite To Kalon Cab ever. One of the reasons we love it is because it’s not $250 or $150 like most To- Kalon Cabs. It almost always causes premature olfactory orgasm so I wear a dental dam or use a piece of Saran wrap to make it last longer. Dark purple in color, this wine gushes with blackberry, black currant, huckleberry, clove, sweet French oak, and a whiff of violet. It’ll age for eight more years, but who wants to risk dying of the black swine plague before your Cab reaches full maturity? Even if your arms and legs have been lopped off you should roll over to the phone and call us. This magical wine offers eternal youth, and miraculously heals even the most severe flesh wounds.

2007 KNIGHTS BRIDGE, Chardonnay, West Block, Knights Valley–$65.00     125 cases produced
This extraordinary Chard is comparable to the best Chardonnays from California being most reminiscent of its famous neighbor, Peter Michael Winery. Expressive of supreme terroir and the great ‘07 vintage, with 16 year old vines and superb winemaking, Knights Bridge poses an eminent death to almost every other Chard from California. Winemaker Jeff Ames is threatened with death by beheading if he screws anything up, so you know it’s gonna be fit for a king with flavors of Fuji pears, ambrosia melon, white jasmine, virgins, and sweet cream butter. Jeff thinks it’ll age for nine years but I’m drinking mine now. This massive Chardonnay is made in a style we don’t usually go for, but it’s so undeniably wonderful and complex we couldn’t keep our pants on. That’s how you can tell when it’s really, really great. Really.

2007 ZIND-HUMBRECHT, Gewurztraminer, Alsace, France-$26.00
Gewurztraminer is a classic accompaniment to the Thanksgiving feast. Why would you drink French wine on an American holiday? Because they sold us a million pounds of gunpowder during the Revolution, and what could be more American than gunpowder? Maybe depleted uranium. Another reason: this wine is way better than any Gewurztraminer from America. Yet another reason: you don’t pair wine with turkey (a bland white meat), you pair it with the all the other stuff like stuffin’, gravy, cranberries, smoked fish, honey baked ham, fried turkey skin, Jell-o dishes, and that big, pink, sloppy thing your aunt always scares everyone with. I was referring to her marshmallow-Jell-o-dessert.

2003 TOPAZ, California Dessert Wine-$35.00  (66% Napa Sauvignon Blanc, 34% Lake County Semillon)
We don’t mean to shove this down your throat, but we’re gonna do it anyway. What else is versatile enough to pair with foie gras and pumpkin pie? What kicks the crap out of Dolce, Nightengale, and every other lame dessert wine from California? What tastes like real expensive Sauterne? The answer is TOPAZ. You’ll ruin the holidays without this to finish your awesome meals. Thanksgiving and Christmas just wouldn’t be as much fun without Topaz. It’s the best dessert wine west of the English Channel. Once you’ve had Topaz for the holidays, there not the same without it.

CHARDONNAY
ADASTRA                                      2005        35.00
ENKIDU Tin Cross                      2008          23.00
KEENAN                                        2007           28.00
LIOCO                                            2007        21.00
MCKENZIE MUELLER              2006        28.00
MINER Wild Yeast                      2007          50.00
PAUL HOBBS RRV                     2007        50.00
PEAY SON COAST                      2007        55.00
PFENDLER                                  2007          38.00
PORTER BASS                            2007        30.00
RAMEY RRV                               2006        40.00
ROMBAUER                               2008        35.00
SHAFER RED SHLDR CHARD                2007        50.00
WHITE ROCK                             2006        30.00

CABERNET SAUVIGNON & BLENDS
BARLOW BARROUGE             2005          40.00
BENNETT LANE                       2005        55.00
CHAPPELLET Signature         2007          44.00
CLOUD VIEW                            2005          65.00
CLOS VALMI                              2005        33.00
DAVID ARTHUR                       2006        100.00
DETERT Cab. Franc                  2005        60.00
DIAMOND TERRACE               2004        60.00
DOMAINE CHARBAY              2005        28.00
DUNN HOWELL MTN             2005          75.00
ETUDE GBR CAB                      2006          50.00
GRGICH HILLS                         2004        60.00
HIDDEN RIDGE                       2006          40.00
IGNEUOS                                   2005        95.00
ILSLEY stags leap district        2005        55.00
KELLY FLEMING                     2005        85.00
MACAULEY                                2004        72.00
MEANDER                                 2005         65.00
MOUNT EDEN VIN EST         2005        48.00
OAKVILLE RANCH                 2005        58.00
OWEN ROE Ironbird              2006        22.00
ONE ACRE                                2006         40.00
PALAZZO RED WINE            2006        50.00
PARADIGM                               2005        65.00
PARALLEL                                2006        60.00
PETER FRANUS                      2005        48.00

PETIT VICE                               2006        50.00
PHILIP TOGNI                         2006          90.00
PRIDE                                         2006          70. 00
PRIDE Reserve                         2006          130.00
RAMEY claret                            2005          30.00
REDMON                                   2006          45.00
RISTOW PEDRAS                    2006         65.00
ROBERT CRAIG Mt. George   2006        26.00
ROBINSON FAMILY                2005        55.00
ROY J MAIER                            2005          55.00