http://groezingers.com Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:49:21 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en MARCH 2010 1-800-356-3970 WWW.GROEZINGERS.COM DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, “Who Dat?!?” It would appear that the stars are in alignment and the world is going even more insane. The Saints won the big game, horror writer H.P. Lovecraft has been revealed as an author of non-fiction, and somewhere, right now, someone is actually listening to Lady ... http://groezingers.com/2010/03/groezingers-wine-merchant-newsletter-march-2010/ DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Happy new year y’all!! Last summer I had an overly concerned mother in the store who was losing it because her son’s hero, Manny Ramirez, was using steroids. Not having a son that plays golf, I can only imagine the attempted current interventions. “Mom! Why is there a ... http://groezingers.com/2010/01/janruary-february-2010-%c2%a0%c2%a0%c2%a0/ 1-800-356-3970 DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Recent reports from Alaska and Russia show that children are misbehaving and exhibiting disobedient behavior now more than ever before. Harpoons in school, icicle stabbings, and seal rapes are now commonplace according to the northern media. Our very own Justin Rush, never trusting or believing mainstream media, took ... http://groezingers.com/2009/11/november-december-2009/ WWW.GROEZINGERS.COM DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Trick, or Treat? That is the question. Here at Groezinger’s we’ve been turning tricks all year so we can continue to offer you the treat of booze delivered to your home or office. Halloween is the time of year when we revel in all things macabre, like ghosts, ... http://groezingers.com/2009/10/notsober-2009/ 1-800-356-3970 www.groezingers.com Dear Beloved Groezinger Customer, This is a great country we live in despite our current economic condition. It has beautiful cities with rich culture, lush estates and historic landmarks. One of those great cities is Philadelphia, PA. Philly obviously reminds me of meat, cheese, bell peppers, and onions at 2:15 a.m. ... http://groezingers.com/2009/09/august-september-2009/ 1-800-356-3970 www.groezingers.com Dear Groezinger Customer #8675309, Don't lose that number. 800-356-3970. You'll be using it soon if you still have some money left because this months deals are so insanely sweet you'd be completely nuts not to call me. We're talking about prices so low and discounts so heavy it's almost like drinking ... http://groezingers.com/2009/07/july-2009-newsletter/ MAY-JUNE 2009 DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Recent reports show that people aren't having as much fun as they used to. One study showed women no longer flash the cameras on amusement park splash rides. And when's the last time you saw a guy wearing a trench coat and a paper bag on ... http://groezingers.com/2009/05/may-june-2009-newsletter/ DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, I guess the shit has officially hit the fan. I don’t mean to sound gloomy, but it’s getting tighter than a nun on Easter Sunday around here. Justin is now looking for a job. His phone number is 707-738-6123 if anyone wants to hire him. I received about ... http://groezingers.com/2009/04/april-may-newsletter-2009/ MARCH 2009 1-800-356-3970 WWW.GROEZINGERS.COM DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Thank you all for your generous outpouring of love and orders last month. As for those of you who didn't order, we hope you're still employed. It kept this newsletter at home instead of having to outsource it to India. There probably would've been fewer typos, ... http://groezingers.com/2009/03/march-2009/ FEBRUARY 2009                                                                                                     1-800-356-3970 WWW.GROEZINGERS.COM DEAR GROEZINGER CUSTOMER, Dear friends, there is an old saying that goes something like "Nobody wants to visit you when you're sick, but they all want to bring flowers to the funeral." So here's the deal, we need you to buy some wine this month if you want us ... http://groezingers.com/2009/02/february-2009-newsletter/