http://groezingers.com Wed, 09 May 2012 19:25:11 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en To My Dear Customers, April is usually a pretty crappy month for business since you send money to the government instead of to Groezingers.  This year, April was like a good old fashioned bed shitting. I want to send a special “thank you” out to the 34 people that did ... http://groezingers.com/2012/05/may-2012/ APRIL 2012 1-800-356-3970 Dear All Y’all, I have some really great news about a true story that is happening right now with a good friend of mine and his mother. The mother of my close friend in Pasadena California has had Alzheimer’s for the past four and a half years. ... http://groezingers.com/2012/04/april-2012/ Hello Groezinger Alumni, You must have been getting very busy with your Valentine in February because we didn’t hear from enough of you. Maybe it was the pink paper or the predictable endless stream of tasteless humor. Whatever the case, we are switching things up a little. You are now being ... http://groezingers.com/2012/03/march-2012/ Dear Sweetheart, Over the years our love has withstood the trails of economic hardships, massive alcohol abuse, foul and tasteless wine reviews, tired and repetitive jokes, and a complete disregard for any proper literary structure.  With the recent developments of Proposition 8, Justin and I might settle down and start a ... http://groezingers.com/2012/02/february-2012/ Dear Beloved Groezinger Customer, For some of us, it’s nice to have 2011 in the rear view mirror. Like Lindsay Lohan…hopefully the days in jail are over, and kudos to that brilliant airbrush artist. Have you seen the before and after shots? Wow. I predict a big 2012 come back for ... http://groezingers.com/2012/01/january-2012/ Dear Groezinger Customer, Gobble-gobble-gobble-hack-hack-splat! No, this is not the name of a previously undiscovered demo tape from the Ramones or a new taunt college football fans yell at the South Carolina Gamecocks. It is the sound of of good ol’ ‘Merica gearing up for the biggest celebration of gluttony and ... http://groezingers.com/2011/11/november-2011/ Dear Groezinger Customer, Are you scared yet? Just when you thought it was safe to go to your mailbox, we’re back with our October issue.  With All Hallows Eve looming ominously on the horizon, we are forced to face our deepest fears and accept with bitter agony that once ... http://groezingers.com/2011/09/october-2011/ Dear Groezinger Customer, Recent studies show that music is good for your health and can also help people with severe illnesses. It can lower pain levels, cheer a person’s mood, improve vital signs, and compliment medication. Independent studies show music works even better when you listen to ... http://groezingers.com/2011/08/august-september-2011/ JULY 2011                                                                                                 ... http://groezingers.com/2011/07/july-2011-newsletter/ JUNE 2011 800-356-3970 www.groezingers.com Dear Groezinger Customer, The Sperminator. Way to go, Arnold.  Apparently, he has even more love children out there from what the underground news is saying.  When you’re rich and powerful, you shouldn’t be banging your nasty maid, especially without a rubber…….Even if your wife does look like Willem Dafoe.  Get ... http://groezingers.com/2011/06/june-2011/